no time

has anyone noticed there is not enough time in one day other then myself? 3 months ago i had plenty of time on my hands, but for the past 2 months, time has just slipped away. i work non stop, i am fixing the house, cleaning, watching out for my grandmother, taking care of all animals; cats, birds, sisters; trying to keep up with the mail, going to csap, per-pairing for not only my criminal brother to come home, but my mother too, and everything else you could imagine. i have no time to do anything at all with my social life.
I can feel myself begaining to let go, everything and everyone is becomeing a blur. voices around me sometimes would become far like in the movies right before someone passes out. in fact, i swear that 2-3 days ago at home depo, i saw kiwi next to me at the hotdog stand. She kept looking at me and smiling and then look at a little boy who i am assuming was her brother. I said nothing for i could not decide who this chick was. Even as she talked she sounded like "kiwi." And instead of talking to her, i just asked myslef what the fuc is she doing here...huh...who is that person...huh...and tottaly blocked out.
i have my head over heels in school work all while trying to manage going everywhere with my grandmother whether it is to the store or down town. my point in all this is i clearly have no time. I wake up at 6 and go to bed at 1am and yet i still have no time. due to this, i am going to have to stop blogging. And if you write me emails, it may take me awhile to respond but i will try to get to it. but for now, i have to get back to school.

ALPHABET

THIS IS ONE OF THE NICEST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL USES OF THE ALPHABET THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I DID. Whoever came up with this one must have had some divine guidance, I was impressed!


Although things are not perfect
Because of trial or pain
Continue in thanksgiving
Do not begin to blame
Even when the times are hard
Fierce winds are bound to blow
God is forever able
Hold on to what you know
Imagine life without His love
Joy would cease to be
Keep thanking Him for all the things
Love imparts to thee
Move out of "Camp Complaining"
No weapon that is known
On earth can yield the power
Praise can do alone
Quit looking at the future
Redeem the time at hand
Start every day with worship
To "thank" is a command
Until we see Him coming
Victorious in the sky
We'll run the race with gratitude
Xalting God most high
Yes, there'll be good times & yes some will be bad, but...
Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

New gym teacher, new workout plan, new diet.

Ok, how is it that you can have writers block for like 2 weeks now?!?! Well I can tell you how, its all my crazy ass gym teachers fault! Thats right you heard me! She has everyone on this stupid progrem. You must run for 1 miles, lift weights, strech, do push ups and so much more EVERYDAY for 2 hours! Now she has us on a new diet!!!! DIET?! Dude im 15! No coffee, sweets, fats, carbs, and so on. No wonder i have writers block and I'm not making any sence! I can't work with out coffee! The only diet I am willing to do is a see food diet....I "see food", I eat it. When will this nightmare end?!?!?

Generation gap

Sometimes living with my grandmother has its advantages. I do not know what they are yet but I am sure that there has to be some advantages. Mean while, there are a lot of problems living with my grandma, and the main problem just keeps haunting me and always manages to find its way into a conversation. That problem is the generation gap between her and me. I am NOT allowed to wear thongs (she has no idea I have some) I can’t wear tight clothes, any jeans that grip my thighs are discarded, no shirts are allowed to be low cut or sleeveless, eyeliner is banned until I am 16, my curfew is 6 and I cant go anywhere on school nights. Sure this all might sound tough, but I can’t help but to acknowledge her thoughts and ways of rules. I mean there is a generation gap between us and when she was a kid she had none of this. In fact, yesterday she told me her mother, who is almost 90 and her entire life, has been dedicated to trying to steel my grandma’s children and grandchildren, sent my grandma away to boarding school at 14. She lived there for a year and then moved in with her dad at 15. Then at 16, she was married. At about 18 she had a baby, then another one at age 21. Though the mist of all this, she has been married and divorced 3 times. So showing all she has been through, I have to pity her at least let her think that I am following her silly rules. And without her I would have been put in a foster home.

Dead before I was accounted for.

So basically, for the past 3 months or so, I have been constantly on my computer in a desperate attempt to keep up with my school work. I usually have no major difficulty with my grades however, this year, no matter how hard I try or what I do, my grades keep dropping at a rapid rate. I usually just turn my head for I don’t really care about my grades but this year is different. If I get all C’s or better on my report card then I get a laptop. So, heading into the school year, everything was fine, all A’s and B’s as usual. Then by the 4th week, I noticed that my math grade was slipping so in a desperate attempt that I now regret, I started to pay more attention to my math grade. BIG MISTAKE! I focused all my attention on math and now all my other grades slipped. And when I say my grades slipped, I don’t mean that they got a little burse from the fall, instead, my grades broke every bone they had and can not stand by there own. And to make matters worst, the semester was going to end in a week and my math grade was still down!!! So now, all my grades are D’s and below. Not good at all! So, I quickly gathered up all the easy work and turned it in and rushed through quizzes and tests. I had my grandmother and grandfather help but did not mention once that my grades were bad. This helped me a little in some classes; these are my current grades as of today…the finial grades that are going to be on my midterm.
Biology 69% D
English 2 61% D
English 1 59% F
Geometry 44% F
Math 19.6% F
Gym 100% B- (I don’t know why this is a B-, it says 100%)
Spanish 91.91% A
World History 51% F
Perhaps I should have looked the other way in math because now instead of just math being a low grade, all my classes with the exception of 2 are low grades. Good bye laptop!!! I will never forget you! My grandma has no idea about these grades yet, I am dead. Maybe being home schooled is not for me. And if my grandmother agrees with this thought, to privet school I will go. Oh how I want to cry!

first things first...

I decided that I was going to give this a shot. So for starters, I am currently home schooled because my overly possessive grandmother believes that the high schools in our area are a bad influence and all the high school drama and hot guys that go to the school are like so not helping my case to let me go to public school again. So I guess I am stuck here at home, eating when I please, listening to music whenever and doing my work when I please. Oh the horror…ok! Ok! I’m so not complaining! Being home schooled was the best idea my grandmother ever had! Anyways, I am 15 years young, have 2 older brothers ages 17 and 18. the 18 year old lives with us here at the house and the 17 year old is in the highest level security at the jail, and was recently put on suicide watch, and is also mental, facing over 50 charges. Ya…he was not dropped on his head when he was a baby, he was thrown across the room….50 times. I also have 2 younger half sisters, ages? and?, (yes I no, I don’t even no how old my sisters are,) anyways, my dad died when I was 18 months young, he died of cancer, and my mother has been in and out of jail all my life. And when she is not in jail, she is out have a baby or with a guy. My brothers and I share the same dad, and my to younger sisters both have different dads. This was just a brief outline of my life, I did not even tell you that 1 of my sisters dads raped a 15 year old girl…and still comes every Sunday to see his little girl! Um hello!!!! I’m 15!!! Should I be scared!!! And yes my grandmother knows about this, and yes the courts no about this, and yes, they turned their heads and gave the ok for him to come and get my sister every Sunday. 0.0